Problems writing – fighting joy…


Everywhere in the world joy is the true expression of gratefulness.

-          David Steindl-Rast


I have not opened this file since September.  My daily routine has been disturbed and even though I have been inspired on my morning rounds with Miss Zoë, I have not felt motivated to put my thoughts down.  There has been no writing. 


I am still grieving over the loss of my words and work last spring.  I know I must let it go, but it was a body of work and heartfelt.  My words concerning Caleb’s death and the days, months and years following are gone now to.  My thoughts as we wrestled our way through the Peace Corps application and interview are lost too.  I find that I resent the computer and I may be simply withholding my words…


I like to use this journal to let my thoughts just flow, but many times it becomes a bit of a chronicle for events and activities.  Some part of my brain imposes a structure on my writing.  I like it best when the words just flow in a stream of consciousness.  My thoughts evolve as they are tapped out on this keyboard.  That rhythm and comfort seem to be lost lately.


The quote above is meaningful to me.  Walking along the mill pond this morning, I felt such a calm sense of joy, deep within me.  Joy and gratitude are woven tightly together for me so I said a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessings and joys that comprise my daily life.  I am often conscious of the abundance that is mine. 


So many times people simply push forward and fail to cherish the small blessings and joys that comprise joy and abundance.  They seek out more and more and then are overwhelmed by maintaining it all. 


I watched the white cranes on the pond.  Their whiteness is a stark contrast to the gray Fall day.  They stride through the water on thin legs.  They stretch their long, elegant necks and tapering beaks down to the water to fish.  Watching the silent beauty of the cranes on the pond is such a pleasure.