Problems writing – fighting joy…
Everywhere in the world joy
is the true expression of gratefulness.
-
David Steindl-Rast
I have not opened
this file since September. My daily
routine has been disturbed and even though I have been inspired on my morning
rounds with Miss Zoë, I have not felt motivated to put my thoughts down. There has been no writing.
I am still
grieving over the loss of my words and work last spring. I know I must let it go, but it was a body of
work and heartfelt. My words concerning
Caleb’s death and the days, months and years following are gone now to. My thoughts as we wrestled our way through
the Peace Corps application and interview are lost too. I find that I resent the computer and I may
be simply withholding my words…
I like to use this
journal to let my thoughts just flow, but many times it becomes a bit of a
chronicle for events and activities.
Some part of my brain imposes a structure on my writing. I like it best when the words just flow in a
stream of consciousness. My thoughts
evolve as they are tapped out on this keyboard.
That rhythm and comfort seem to be lost lately.
The quote above is
meaningful to me. Walking along the mill
pond this morning, I felt such a calm sense of joy, deep within me. Joy and gratitude are woven tightly together
for me so I said a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessings and joys that
comprise my daily life. I am often
conscious of the abundance that is mine.
So many times
people simply push forward and fail to cherish the small blessings and joys
that comprise joy and abundance. They
seek out more and more and then are overwhelmed by maintaining it all.
I watched the
white cranes on the pond. Their
whiteness is a stark contrast to the gray Fall day. They stride through the water on thin
legs. They stretch their long, elegant
necks and tapering beaks down to the water to fish. Watching the silent beauty of the cranes on
the pond is such a pleasure.