·
Thursday, 30 November 2006
·
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
- Psalms 143:8
Persona non-grata…
The term persona non-grata
may not really apply, but my lack of “official status” occasionally infects my
usually confident attitude. I often feel like a well-meaning yet troublesome
worrisome sheepdog, nipping at the heels of someone else’s flock. I have energy and skills, but no proper
outlet for them.
Some days I feel
like I am treading water in a great endless sea.
There is a sense
of simply biding my time as our evenings pass – lately I knit and watch DVDs, staying
up till after 1AM. The films are like bad
TV – mindless, numbing. Films I watch chiefly
because they are ones I have not seen. They are, in fact, films I would
probably not view in the USA where I could snap on the TV and choose among
other offerings. (For example: “Bad
Santa”- that is a dreary, disturbing film which should never have been
released, yet, I watched it…I kept thinking it would get better…Wrong!)
Passive-aggressive
Doldrums –
stagnate, inactive
Under stimulated
Lethargic
Inert
Unfocused
Of course as I tap
out these words and give shape to this feeling, I realize that it is not wise to
do this. I know that reality is shaped by
what we accept as true.
The phrase,”Stand
porter at the door of thought…” echoes in my mind…admit only those ideas that
are honest, good and true. Challenge
thoughts that try to dominate or coerce me into submitting.
On page 258 of
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy writes, “God expresses in man
the infinite idea forever developing itself, broadening and rising higher and
higher from a boundless basis.”
A
promise in the Bible reads: “…
whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are
just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise,
think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received,
and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with
you.”(Philippians 4: 8-9)
Write the truth and not the lie
The Truth is I am
intelligent, dynamic, capable and kind.
I am warm, proactive, motivated, creative and productive. I am
an expression of good. I am loving,
strong, honest, and pure. I reflect all the multifarious qualities of Life, the
integrity of Truth, the warmth of Love, the essence of Soul, the courage of Spirit,
the devotion to Principle, and the soundness of Divine Mind.
I read the Psalm
(above) again. I lift up my soul in thanksgiving and praise.
·
Tuesday, 28 November 2006
A thankful person is thankful under all circumstances.
A complaining soul complains even in paradise.
- Baha'u'llah
A Cross-cultural lesson on toilets in
Ukraine! 8-)
I got side tracked looking at photos today and decided to shed some light
on one of the more basic logistics of
life here in Ukraine: the humble commode!
#1. A typical toilet. These “squatters” are often elevated
on a platform – like a throne.. Sometimes there are stalls to provide
privacy, but frequently there is no door on the stall. You squat (facing
away from the wall) and aim carefully to avoid splatter. Women roll up
their trousers so they do not touch the floor. Often the flush function does
not work. Toilet paper (if provided) is put into a trash can. Positive
aspect of this commode - no body parts come in direct contact with any
surfaces. The one in this photo is very clean!
#2. The outhouse. Inside, you squat over a hole. No
"bench." Bring your own TP. Many offices and stores have
outhouses - mostly because the city infrastructure is so old and unreliable. The
library and the 12-15 families living above it share an outhouse in their
courtyard. Really cold in the winter! Olga, the girl holding her
nose in the picture, is pointing at the mens' room (M). It stinks. The
other symbol is a Cyrillic letter pronounced sorta-like the "ju" as
in justice. It indicates the womens' room.
#3. Our commode. The commode in our flat is fairly new. It
was a key feature when choosing a flat to rent. Like most home toilets in
Ukraine, it is isolated in a very small room located near the front door.
The sink is located in a separate small space, usually along with the shower or
tub. Why? I have no real insight, but even in new flats and luxury places (I
read decorator/design magazines!) this remains standard.
Note, we have a
toilet seat and lid. Here in Ukraine, there is a strong aversion to
bodily contact, so people generally do NOT sit on the seat. The seat is
dispensed with entirely. Obviously the logistics of squatting over such a
commode rather than sitting on it make it more uncomfortable for people who
prefer the squatting process.
People do not like
changes to fundamental processes so often more traditional guests try to squat
ON the rim of this kind of commode... It sounds rather unthinkable to
those of us used to western plumbing, but if you are accustomed to the
"porcelain feet" (see #1) you would be appalled and put off by the
one in our flat.
Infrastructure
issues make flushing a challenge at times so many people maintain a wastebasket
adjacent to the commode for TP. We keep
jugs of water available so we can flush when the water is off (as it often is).
This concludes
today’s cross-cultural lesson! 8-)
·
Monday, 27 November 2006
Do all you can with what you have,
in the time you
have, in the place you are.
- Nkosi Johnson
12-year-old Zulu boy, living with AIDS
Reflecting our Freedom to Choose…
Our reading habits
here are a function of what turns up.
In the USA, we
would have choices, (or the illusion of choices anyway…the leading book stores and
media influence us and narrow down our immediate choices.) I look forward to the
simple joy of perusing a bookshelf and selecting a tome that speaks to me. I read the literary pages of Newsweek and the
Christian Science Monitor (our connection with the world outside Ukraine) and
make mental notes of authors and titles I would like to read. I am like a dieter perusing cookbooks; only dreaming
about savory dishes, but never indulging.
Occasionally books
come our way from friends or family and on trips to Kiev we raid the trading
library at the Peace Corps offices. We
splurge on books at the few, small English book suppliers and frequent secondhand
dives seeking out reading matter in our native language.
We can keep our
habit alive.
Some of the books
introduced to us in this random way, open new worlds for us. There is some
magic in the process, but today I miss the freedom of choice.
Here, we read
books that would never find a place on our bedside table in a less austere
reading environment show up in our hands.
(Did I say bedside table – purely a figure of speech during this
27-month commitment. In the absence of an actual bed and bedside table, our
to-be-read books simply get stacked on the floor.)
On occasion it is
a choice between A book or NO book. The
term “strange bedfellows” comes to mind as I review my list of titles read in
the past year or so!
I remember living in
isolated places in the USA and of course during our decade in Spain, when we
reveled in trips to large American cities with super-mega-book-stores. But, I remind myself that in those periods we
actually had local libraries (on and off base) and belonged to
book-of-the-month clubs that mailed us fresh material on a regular basis. Here,
the local library mocks us with its collection of Russian classics. I can
decipher the titles and authors and laboriously sound-out phrases in Russian,
but I can assure you, I will not be reading Tolstoy’s works in the original
language in this life time.
Having choices is
such a part of our culture; a part I am more and more often grateful for.
(A. Lincoln said –
people are about as happy as they choose to be…so, I must point out, I choose
to be happy, with occasional brief lapses of grousing!)
·
Thursday, 23 November 2006 – THANKSGIVING
(USA)
Knives…
Yesterday I spent
a lovely day alone in our sunny kitchen wielding a large knife and hacking,
hacking, hacking. I rarely get the
pleasure of using a knife. Over the years of marital bliss, tasks involving knives
have somehow become the domain of my spouse.
He has always had an interest in knives; even managed a knife store
once.
As I happily slashed
away at the large pumpkin, I listened to a CD one of our English Club members
loaned me: about 6hours of Russian rock and roll by a group called
Nautilus. Soon the lovely orange pulp
was boiling away in a large pot on our tiny gas stove.
I began the pleasant
task of making piecrust. This is
something that engages me from start to finish.
The whole process is pleasing to me. I do not hurry. The kitchen is bright, the music loud, and
the prospect of pumpkin pie and whipped cream is delightful.
Thanksgiving is my
favorite holiday.
Even with friends
and family far away, I am filled with warm memories of other Thanksgivings in
many different homes and places (I even had a Thanksgiving in Air Force Basic
Training!). The two of us spend the day
making stuffing, arranging flowers, setting our small kitchen table (our only
table in this Peace Corps Volunteer home!).
There is an odd holiday feel since for the rest of Ukraine this is a
regular work day.
No family or
friends, no football, no parades, no turkey, no….well…despite the absence of
many typical Thanksgiving accoutrements, there is an abundance of gratitude.
And with that flood of genuine gratitude, there is the simple joy of living,
the pleasure of celebrating all that is good and true…the abundance that is
ours…Life is good….
·
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
On our kitchen
wall is a large (18X20 inch) glossy 2005 calendar which some anonymous Peace
Corps Volunteer left behind at the office in Kiev. I look at it daily and
almost daily, say a mental thank you to that unknown PCV who has no idea they
have affected my life.
This abandoned
German calendar, which I cherish, showcases dramatic photographs of shepherds
and their flocks.
Yes, I have always
been fond of sheep. Perhaps more accurately, I am fond of images of sheep and
the idea of the nurturing shepherd, guarding and guiding the flock through the
challenges of each day. I attribute this
affinity to a poem my mother often recited to me. The poem, by Mary Baker Eddy,
is set to music in the Christian Science Hymnal (pg 304) and begins,”Shepherd, show
me how to go, ore the hillside steep, how to gather, how to sow, how to feed
thy sheep. I will listen for thy voice, lest my footsteps stray. I will follow
and rejoice, all the rugged way…” Those
lyrics have kept me grounded so often in my life.
The imagery,
honesty, innocence and joy remain fresh for me whenever I hear those lyrics
sound within my mind or even when I sing them to myself as I go about my life. Once, when my brother and I were walking up a
mountain to his farm in northern Malawi, my brother pointed out that the poem
says nothing about making the path easier, but it does say follow and rejoice.
Yes, it is a commitment to give thanks, to be joyful, trusting and confident, right
now, despite the seeming ruggedness of the path.
That is how it works.
We must give thanks for the bounty we have received. If we are to be fit to receive more, we must
certainly be grateful for what we already have.
(I am paraphrasing Mary Baker Eddy here, this time from Science and
Health with Key to the Scriptures)
It is in seeing
the good that already is and consciously acknowledging that good that we fuel
our expectancy of future good.…and, we can joyfully, gratefully, expectantly listen
for the shepherd’s voice. As Jesus said “My sheep hear my voice…” (John 10)
When I see the
sheep on my calendar each day, I am mindful that they follow their shepherd
with joy, trust, and faith. They have no
doubts.
Sometimes I wonder
about the PCV who left this calendar behind.
I wonder why it remained unopened, unappreciated. I wonder if my prayers of gratitude in some
way bless that anonymous PCV.
·
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
It’s Organic – So is Mildew and Mold!
Armed with a stiff
brush and a bleach solution, I spent the day making war on killer mildew which
has terrorized our flat lately.
Mark’s suit coat
got me started. He wears it regularly,
so I was surprised to see a large patch of mildew creeping across the lower
left side. I poked around in the closet and found more evidence of this plague
hidden in the lining of my rabbit coat and covering my leather shoes. And there was much, much more…
My priority for the
day became to search and kill, followed by rescue and recovery. Mildew and mold were evident not only in the
closet, but around the widows, the shower stall and on the OUTSIDE of Ivan (our terrible refrigerator which
really should be disposed of, but we have only 180 days or so left here!). My luggage also had a colony growing on it.
Practical Advise to any Ukraine-Bound Peace
Corps Volunteers…
Mildew and mold
are less likely to attack synthetics.
Despite my general disdain for synthetics, they usually dry faster than
natural fibers too – something to consider when you wash your clothes by hand in
a bucket and wring them out by hand.
Jeans, towels, sheets and blankets are tough to wring out and take a long
time to dry all year round, but especially during the winter. Consider this
when you pack clothes, shoes and personal effects.
Did I Mention the Slugs in our Water
Supply?
While we do not
see slugs in the garden this time of year, they seem to get into the local
water supply. This is a big problem locally. They come out of the faucets! I
find this disturbing, but so far we have only seen a couple in our shower
stall. Thank goodness for bottled
drinking water and bleach!
The slugs in the
city water supply made the national news, but the leading story was about the
local mayor – kind of a slug in his own right I guess!
Our Bandit Mayor…
It seems there are
some significant integrity issues over the sale of the local airport (to the
Russians!). This is when I really wish I had a better grip on the Russian
language (or Ukrainian for that matter) because the mayor was on the news. Reporters peppered him with probing questions
regarding other shady activities. Our
local connections here do not like to be too forthright about opinions. Years of living in a very closed environment (the
influence of Soviet era, not to mention this was a closed military community
till only a few years ago!) is not conducive to sharing the gossip about the
local politicos. (The word ”bandit” did
come up in two conversations!)
·
Friday, 17 November 2006
(E-Mail EXCERPT FOLLOWS)
…I love the Bennet cartoon (see below)...Very clever depiction of the
gas/Russia situation - gas/heating issues are on the news most nights. Of
course it is not yet winter really, but snow and cold have arrived and will
hang on through April. On the shortwave radio we heard that Siberia is feeling
the effects of global warming - bears are not hibernating yet...
PC decided to allow PCVs to coordinate a day off for Thanksgiving - in other
words, as long as we do not leave the country, it will not count as leave
time.
Our "turkey hunt" begins today. Mark
is asking around today and tomorrow and Sunday we will visit the bazaar and
hope to find a dead, plucked, gutted bird. People usually buy live birds - it
is lots cheaper. Our “prepped” turkey last year cost about 4-5 days
wages.
There is the challenge of where to store the meat too - our freezer is small,
about 6-8" X 12-14" and has no door. (Probably designed for
making ice cubes, but no one makes ice cubes or uses ice cubs here...iced
drinks are considered bad for your health...)
Then there is the tiny oven (with no thermometer). People here just never
really cook big chunks of meat. Meat is a luxury kind of and people use it more
as flavoring or prepare modest amounts. OK, I just measured it- the oven
opening is just 40 cm X 33 cm (CENTIMETERS!) We cooked a turkey in
it last year, though I cannot remember how!
I look forward to hearing about YOUR Thanksgiving..
More later - life is good.
Ginn
TGIF in Cool, Gray Crimea.
http://www.csmonitor.com/commentary
·
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said
nothing.
- Robert Benchley
I never know where
my words will take me when I sit down to journal each day.
I try not to direct
them. I like to let them spill out as they wish.
Some days though,
I look at them and have the decency to just hit the delete key and walk away.
·
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
Your success and happiness lie in you....
Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form
an invincible host against difficulties.
- Helen Keller
My New, Secondhand Coat…Abandonment Issues…
Monday, Mark and I
visited a couple secondhand shops and found a suitable replacement for my black
winter coat. (170 Ukrainian Hryvnia or $34
USD – that’s about 3-4 days wages for a used ankle-length, belted black wool
used Benetton brand coat) The old
faithful coat has moth holes in it and has served me well for many, many years.
It is time for it to retire.
I had hoped it
would make it through this final winter here in Ukraine so I could simply leave
it behind with no regrets. Purchasing a
newer coat means becoming attached to it; yes, I am already rather fond of it,
so leaving it behind will be harder.
Obviously, we will
be leaving many things behind when we leave (in 7 months)…not as easy as one
likes to think. With airline
restrictions guiding our choices, we will have to be strict with what we choose
to keep from our adventures here in Ukraine.
There is some
pleasure in leaving things behind…especially if the things can go to homes
where they will bring some one else pleasure and/or comfort.
But there is also
a sense of home and happiness associated with various items. My favorite coffee mug, a pair of plates I
treasure, small baskets or other foolish items that are part of this cozy nest
we have built – this nest we must abandon when we migrate to another place.
Transience really
is the nature of the mortal world. The
seasons change (remember the song made from the Bible passage:”…There is a
season, turn, turn, turn and a time for every purpose, under Heaven…”?). People, animals, flowers…the earth is a
dynamic place.
We must find ways
to embrace the bounty, the abundance, yet not feel the need to claim it
forever. We must find the beauty and be
grateful without becoming melancholy. We
must take joy and then share that joy –be joyful, give thanks for this
abundance…hmmm…the word abundance has the word dance in it…a clue perhaps?
OK, I am obviously
no longer thinking just about my “new” secondhand coat or my coffee cup, but
about people (and animals) who have graced my life and are still alive in
spirit (Spirit). And places I have lived and left behind…I expect these same
lessons are learned in a slightly different way if you are one of those who
remains in one place, among all the accumulated history of your life…That
existence can seem quite attractive to those of us who do not know it
intimately, but I see, today, that the same lessons must be learned regardless
of how you live your life.
Enough pondering,
for now. The autumn sunshine is pouring through the window, the sea is a
sparkling blue…time to enjoy the abundance of life (Life)…maybe even dance a
bit! I will put on my “new” coat and
take a walk!
·
Monday,13 November 2006
My Cousin Died…
Sad news - I got
word via e-mail that one of my cousins died unexpectedly.
I have good
memories of him and his delightful family.
More Hard Facts of Death and Life…
White Dog is out
and about. She is lean and svelte again.
It is a pleasure to see her with Black Dog as they go about the doggie-details
of their life together. (See my Sunday post…)
Are the puppies
buried as we suspect? We will probably
never know for sure.
This was her third
litter in 12 months. We vicariously enjoyed the drama of doggie-parenthood
through our window last year when the first litter was allowed to live. White Dog and Black Dog are good parents and
their small families of pups were a joy.
No pups this year
though, only a pregnancy.
And Yet Another Sad Event…
Our courtyard cat
population has dropped over the past few days. It is not clear what is
happening, but three cats are dead.
Perhaps poison.
Among the dead is
Oscar, the very clever, affectionate young grey kitten who was born (along with
his shy sister Socks) on the roof of the building outside our kitchen window.
·
Sunday, 12 November 2006
Grave Diggers?...
Across the street,
in the shadow of the Mitridate, two men dig a series of small holes. Mitridate Mount, which dominates the view from
my living room window, is home to hundreds, maybe thousands of ancient Greek
burial tombs .Here on this bitterly cold morning, these two men take turns
wrestling with a shovel, breaking through the hard-packed earth.
I stand by the window,
knitting in hand, watching them as they work.
The men pause; pass a cigarette back and forth between them.
Black Dog watches too.
His usual pose involves a wagging tail, but he sits and watches,
uncharacteristically quiet.
It is rare to see Black
Dog without White Dog – he is the dark shadow to her whiteness. She is a happy dog – her tail wags, her pink tongue
lolls, she moves with a spring in her step and Black Dog follows suit.
Today White Dog is
not around. Only Black Dog watches the
men digging.
The men exhale and
in the cold it is hard to know which man emits smoke from the cigarette rather than
merely breath made visible by the cold air.
Where is White Dog?
Why are the men
digging?
White Dog, when last
I saw her (yesterday), is plump with puppies – her belly expanded, making walking
a waddle. Despite her condition, she greets
passers-by on her feet, tail wagging, making each visitor to the neighborhood
store feel welcome.
Last night, the dark
street was loud with dog-talk. There
were howls, barks, and whimpers outside our window. So many dogs, so much noise – something is
up. This time of year, nights in Crimea
become frigid – dogs, cats, people, all find warm respites for the night ahead
so clearly the dogs had significant news to share.
Now today,
digging.
My head tells me
things my heart does not want to hear.
I eye the
clock. I cannot linger long, but I dread
leaving with this sad mystery lingering as I go about my activities elsewhere.
I try not to speculate about these several small holes.
·
Saturday, 11 November 2006 –VETERANS DAY
A friend (Thanks
Joe!) shared the Veterans Day video below with me…I hope it works…
·
Friday, 10 November 2006
It is not a question of whether you "have what it
takes,"
but of whether you take the gifts you have -- they are
plenteous –
and share them with all the world.
- Neale Donald
Walsch
No Journal Entry - Just a Whiny E-Mail
Extract from a Homesick Me…
Subject: Ramblings from Pulvers
Happy Thursday AM!
… This convoluted (innovative) way of doing e-mail is a continuing technology
lesson for me. This is good for those aging brain cells which need new
challenges to keep them limber and lean.
Living here, we are always exercising our ability to be flexible and tolerant.
Something always goes awry. The power goes off for no reason, offices are
closed, there is no water, plans change, etc.... Here people are pessimistic
about things, or they set their expectations low, or simply have no
expectations so when stuff happens, they roll with it. We always have to
regroup a bit.... So yesterday the power in our neighborhood went off
unexpectedly at about1630- this time of year it is pitch black already so I had
to find my way to English Club in the dark - the roads are uneven, potholed and
muddy plus there are many uncovered manholes to avoid too. (Someone steals
the covers - who knows why, but it is not uncommon in this country at all!.
There are PCVs who have fallen into them - occupational hazard!)... I made it
alright - we cooked by candlelight when we got home. Power came on again around
2100. I rinsed out the laundry, wrung it out (wrang - maybe
wringed? What a funny word) and stuffed it under the windowsill onto the
two small radiators to hopefully dry. The heat is on sporadically
now-they don't leave it on 24/7 or even every day until the weather is consistently
below freezing for several days in a row. It is very damp here indoors
and out in the fall so drying clothes is impossible - after several days they
mold or mildew and stink. Soooo, I hope for cold weather so the radiators
will do their magic! (People often toast their socks in the oven...it
helps warm the flat too!
The last ten days have been packed with other people's agendas (and lots of
changes to plans) so I am very grateful to have a relatively unscheduled
day. I plan to work on some website content for the Friends of Ukraine
organization and then I will work on a lesson plan for our Monday English
Class. I may also teach some young teens on Thursday...(My keyboard is
still sticking so these projects and writing e-Mail take longer because I have
to insert the spaces manually!)
Well, I hope you enjoy the photos...Mark at our English Club Halloween party,
Mark with fall flowers for me and finally my papier-mâché ghosts and an
improvised jack-o-lantern made of a pepper.
Despite the whiny tone and detailing of our mundane activities, life is
good. We are well and happy. Just tired and homesick! It is hard to
imagine we will be returning to life in the USA in about 7 months. Please drop
us some mail or give us a call - we miss friends and family very much! It is
good to hear from home!
Don't forget Veteran's Day! More later...
XX00
Ginn (& Mark)
·
Thursday, 9 November 2006
The Bride is Going to America Soon…
Our red-headed Russian
friend L. just returned from the capital where she had a physical and an
interview at the American Embassy. She applied for a visa and is now working on
getting tickets to the USA – she can’t stop in Europe because the visa
prohibits that so she will have to fly direct to NYC – more expensive and a bit
scary.
When she reaches
her final destination, way-out-west in the USA, she will marry the man she met
via the Internet. Yes she will be a
bride in just a matter of weeks!
L. plans to take
only one suitcase. She is leaving this
life behind.
“I buy new things
in America,” she says with a laugh.
I met L. on my
first day in Kerch. She took me on a
tour of the local bazaar and showed me where to purchase important things like
chocolate and cosmetics. She also showed me where to get my shopping weighed
Justin case I suspect a vender may be short-changing me. She demonstrated the way people sample food
and ask prices and shop around before making a final purchase. (You can fill up on bits of sausage, cheese,
apples, etc and skip lunch using this technique!)
L. is a regular at
our English Club. She teaches English at a local secondary school, though she really
is not an English teacher by profession or inclination. It was the only job available when she moved here.
She speaks fondly of her years in Siberia
which was her home long ago. Her manner
and her speech patterns conjure up endearing Russian stereotypes, so I often
find myself smiling when I hear her speak, even when the topic is something as
mundane as how to choose towels or hangers..
One Suitcase…Leaving Stuff Behind…
This morning, my
hands covered in soap as I scrubbed a blackened pan, I found myself thinking of
L’s comment regarding her upcoming adventure in the USA. She will take only one suitcase with
her. She seems to have no problem with
leaving behind whatever things are in her flat.
I have been in many
flats in Ukraine and most of them are Spartan by American standards. Each flat has the requisite soviet-era
couches and chairs lined up around the room’s perimeter. Above the couches, which also serve as beds, there
are typically rugs mounted on the walls.
Dominating one wall, is usually a large unit of shelves which houses
books and some fancy drinking glasses.
The wall-unit also has a small closet for clothing. There are only a few personal things visible.
I have often walked
away from various flats feeling as if I had been in a movie set.
I remind myself
that until just a few years ago, people under communist-rule had few choices in
the market and in their personal lives.
They also had little cash.
Leaving it all
behind would take on a different meaning.
If you have fewer
material items, do you value them more?
I asked L. what small
comforts she might pack to get her through the days when she is homesick for
her life here. Photos perhaps?
She shook her
head, smiled and said in English, “I take what is important to me here in my
heart and in my head.”
I think of the
Peace Corps Volunteers who worry and fret and find it hard to pack for their
27-month trip to Ukraine. L. could teach
them a thing or two about adventure and about traveling light!
I sweep the
breakfast crumbs and hair off the kitchen floor and my mind continues to think of
L. and her upcoming adventures in the USA. Often at English Club as we put on our
coats to leave, L. will reach over and finger the edge of my coat or my
trousers. She will shake her head. “This
is inferior fabric. You must buy good Russian fabric!” she states emphatically,
in her best school-teacher voice of authority.
I mimic her gesture
and finger the edge of her jacket. The
wool is tightly woven; dense and thick.
It is not like fabric I have ever seen in the USA where we have central
heat that makes northern winters into over-heated, hot-houses.
L.’s Culture Shock…
I try to imagine
L. behind a shopping cart at a Sam’s Club or in a big Target store. What will please her? What will disappoint
her? How will she cope?
Images go through
my mind –L. driving a car; L. buying fresh produce year round (available, but
tasteless!),asking to sample foods or trying to buy a couple eggs; discovering
that buying in volume saves money(here this is not generally true); open
windows (here drafts are said to cause innumerable problems) drafts…what will
she think of American meat –lean and tender while Ukrainian meat is generally
very tough and fatty (I think they prefer it this way.); ;my mind races on as I go about my work.
I imagine how
bright the lights must seem and how odd to see streetlights remain on all
night. I wonder if she will continue to remove her shoes when she enters a home
and will she use the standard American dinnerware (large plates)…on and on…
What will she miss? What will she
embrace? What will she abhor? Will she be happy?
I haven’t even
begun to consider the marriage….ahhhhh, another whole realm of adventures to
consider….
I will miss L…and I
wish her well. I respect her sense of adventure and I am a bit in awe of this undertaking.
L .is pragmatic,
unflappable…it will be hard to tell her goodbye, but as she says: the important
things (and people) will remain here “in my heart and in my head”.
·
Wednesday, 8 November 2006 – THE HEAT IS
ON!
Sharing the “Game-Face” in the PCV World…
A hazard of being a
couple in the PCV life-style is that you can both get in challenging moods at the
same time. Much of the time, a spouse is
a helpmeet, but when both are feeling down, blue, useless, homesick or just cranky
and whiny, it really is difficult. There is no where to escape.
It can be a deadlock;
both stuck in a “poor me” mode; both in need of a gentle hug and kind
words. In a couple, someone needs to recognize
the signs and let go of their mood first to save the other one or they both may
drown in their tears and fears! Of course
it cannot always be the same individual who takes the initiative. If someone does not take on the nurturing role
early on, things can spiral downward very quickly.
We have avoided this
kind of downward spiral pretty well. We
have years of experience together. We have
lived abroad together in modest and challenging circumstances early in our
marriage and then again during the middle years and now again, during our third
decade of marital bliss.
Our previous
experiences living abroad for extended periods include 5 years in Franco-era
Spain with two small children and a decade later in post-Franco-era Spain with
two teens. Here we are in post-Communist
Crimea with no children to divert our attention with the demands of nurturing
and parenting. With children present,
the “game face” stays in place better.
As parents you
must be brave (or calm, or kind, or pleasant,…insert quality here…) for your children
– you model coping behaviors and mentor the child as you comfort and nurture
them.
Now with no
children in our home, we become more vulnerable to our own fears and
feelings. We could get caught up in
them. And, we find we need nurturing and
comfort.
The “game face” is
passed back and forth now. We can care
for one another and find ways to ease the challenges. Surprisingly, in nurturing and caring for
another, one often feels braver and stronger, calmer and more caring.
After being in the
daily spotlight in our roles as “The Americans” we come home to our flat and
take refuge. The strain of this sense of
being in the spotlight can be pretty subtle at times, but some days it hits
harder. A grey cloud hangs over one, or
both of us.
Many times I walk away
from English Conversation Club feeling deflated and culturally insensitive. The feeling broadsides me. It is hard to shake. Self-doubts creep in. I second guess what people have said to me ink.
(Ukrainians, as a rule follow the “save face” policy, so very often Americans, who
are generally, as a culture, more candid, do not understand that the input in
question is not really well accepted. In
other words, the director is just being polite.
There are days
when Mark runs into this wall too.
It can be hard to
keep perspective, to not personalize things.
We feel vulnerable. In this
environment, everything seems to be under a magnifying glass.
We are here
together, but I wonder about the PCVs who are the only Americans in their
communities. I wonder about those PCVs
who have limited experience with the world (all those 20-something people seem
young and vulnerable to me at times.)
These months far from home and family, living in another culture,
isolated by language and economics, gender and geography, ethnicity and
religion, politics and religion, age and experience…these months may seem
pretty challenging, particularly to those who are alone at the end of each day.
This experience is
character-building, but in some cases it may break spirits too. People can and do terminate early (ET) – they
may return to the USA and post-Peace Corps life, without stigma, at any point
they wish. In my experience, the people who
leave often have a more compelling reason for leaving, but I cannot help but
wonder if they often simply grow tired of this sense of otherness and elect to
move on with their lives…
I am grateful to
my spouse whom I can nurture and who nurtures me.
·
Tuesday, 7 November 2006 – ELECTION DAY!
Do all you can with what you have,
in the time you have, in the place you are.
- Nkosi Johnson
12-year-old Zulu boy, living with AIDS
Dusty is Back – Sans Tail!
My alley cat
friend Dusty is back in the courtyard after a long absence. I was pleased to be greeted by my favorite
cat as I passed out a few handfuls of cat chow to the usual courtyard crew of
feline scavengers.
I hoisted him up
to scratch his belly and saw a raw and bloody stump where a tail used to be. It is healing up and Dusty looks well otherwise. I suspect Catwoman, the local courtyard patron
(matron?) saint of cats has not seen this injury yet. Usually when any of the cats have a cut or watery
eyes she doses them with medicine which leaves their fur a peculiar toxic, luminous
green.
Catwoman has been
busy with her annual attempts to make a weather proof shelter for the cats.
Since they loiter in our garden where the weak winter sun is strongest, the
primitive, unsightly cat hotel is in our yard.
The cats often
refuse to cooperate with Catwoman’s plans. They prefer to sleep on top of the
structure rather than inside or the delegation simply deploys to a different
operating location all together.
·
Monday, 6 November 2006
What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which
runs across the grass and loses itself in the Sunset.
- Crowfoot, a leader
of the Blackfoot nation
Cold, unexpected
rain fell last night. Unfortunately, my laundry
was still outside on the line. If I had harvested
it last night I could have salvaged it – maybe put damp things on the electric heater
to take out the residual moisture. But now, it will probably have to be laundered
again and hung up to dry again.
Managing the
laundry can be a logistical challenge this time of year particularly.
The cold rain
continues today.
We just walked
back from the bus station where we saw off our overnight houseguest from the other
end of Crimea. It was fun to have him here.
He is a PCV from our training group – the only other Group 28 PCV in
Crimea. The approximately 30 other
volunteers we arrived here with are clustered either in western Ukraine in the
Carpathians, near the Polish and Hungarian borders or in the grey, steelyard,
industrial cities in eastern Ukraine. The closest other Group 28 PCV is about
ten hours from here.
Sunday night we
stayed up till after 2AM talking last night and got up at 8 AM to drink gallons
of coffee and eat bliny that Mark prepared for us.
Now, we are tired
and damp after trudging home from the bus station in the rain. Tonight we have
to facilitate for a class of students whom we work with each Monday. Right now I would prefer shower and take a
nap, but I must prepare some materials and then later venture out into the cold
rain to go back across town for a couple hours of high energy activity
·
Sunday, 5 November 2006 – FULL MOON!
We have a houseguest…
·
Saturday, 4 November 2006
They Are Always Watching…
We attended a
fundraising benefit today. For two hours
we watched dance teams comprised of local students dazzle the audience with
their grace and style. Tiny children,
far more poised and graceful than most adults I know, took center stage, performing
elegant ballroom maneuvers.
People here seem
to have cultivated a gift for putting together a professional show. They also
seem to all know how to sing and dance. These Ukrainian people are modest, yet
when pressed to perform, they often demonstrate quite a talent.
Mark was asked to
be the “official photographer” when the organizer realized she had forgotten
her camera.
We were caught off
guard later in the show when we were asked to come up on the stage to say a few
words. Why did they invite us up there? Well, simply because we are Americans. Americans are still a novelty here in this
former Soviet-closed community. So there
we were, on display.
I managed to introduce
myself and Mark in good Russian, but I was very self-conscious because I was still
bundled up in my jacket and scarf. The auditorium
is cold. I did not have the presence of mind
or time to remove my outer garments. So
the words “ne-cultury” ran through my head.
This is an unflattering label people whisper among themselves when
others violate social norms. (Those
Americans seem nice, but so casual! Ne-cultury….)
Everything you do
here is under scrutiny. People are
polite, yet curious, so they observe how we live and the choices we make.
Whenever we are out in the community we are being assessed and by extension, so
is our country.
When Americans
first arrive here they delude themselves by thinking they blend in. Perhaps for a few minutes they may fool a few
people, but the locals can quickly pick out an American in any crowd.
They may say
nothing, but they discreetly watch you to see what kind of toilet paper, etc,
you buy and whether you sample the salads and shop around before you purchase
one. They look at how you dress, how you
conduct yourself, how you interact. I am
aware of how much trash we dispose of and what we choose to throw away and I
know that people observe this too.
You are always under
quiet scrutiny here.
I imagine in
smaller communities this may be even more overt.
Being an
ambassador would not be much fun.
·
Friday, 3 November 2006
Dr. V Makes a House Call…
Mark got his flu
shot last night. Dr. V. made an
excursion to Crimea to vaccinate PCVs in this part of the world. This site here on the eastern-most tip of the
Crimean Peninsula, is isolated geographically, so we seldom get official
visitors.
People arriving
here are always surprised at how remote this place is. It is compounded by the usual challenges and
limitations of using public transportation. .
Looking at a map
is a bit misleading. It does not look
that far, but, it is.
A car would be an
asset here.
·
Thursday, 2 November 2006
Where is Dustinovsky?
My favorite
courtyard-cat, Dusty, has been missing for quite some time. I try not to think about him, but I miss him.
There are many cats who run to greet me as I come and go (because I often give
them a handful of cat chow from a stash I carry in my handbag).
Dusty is the one
that steals my heart. He knows how to
get my attention, climbing onto the fence and stretching his lean body over to
climb onto my arm. The other cats remain
in an anonymous pool by my feet. He
gives me a cat version of the”high five” and makes me laugh.. He often comes to
my windowsill and greets me as I start the day. He is well mannered and separates
himself from the crowd of far more attractive cats by being such a charming
individual. He is also the uncle cat in a crowd of mostly sisters and their
children. It is fun to observe Dusty mentoring his favorite nephew, a charming
gray “kitling”, who is a good learner and is quickly becoming almost as
charming as Uncle D himself.
Yes, it is Dusty
that tempts me to open the door to my flat as well as the door to my
heart.
He has been absent
for many days. I avoid thinking about
where he might be. I delude myself into imagining he has found a real home but
I know this is very unlikely.
·
Wednesday, 1 November 2006
Halloween Party at English Club…
No Halloween is NOT
traditionally celebrated in Ukraine! We did
see some news stories on TV showing some folks in Kiev getting into the spirit,
so maybe some of the holiday traditions will catch on and grow here!
We had a Halloween
party at English Club. We did a few of
the usual games: bobbing for apples, making mummies out of toilet paper, telling
ghost stories, etc.
Following are a couple
photos – Yes, Mark looks like the Easter Bunny, but this is Halloween. Look twice at the pumpkin…there were no
pumpkins at the market so we improvised and made tiny jack-o-lanterns from
peppers. The ghosts are another of my
papier-mâché attempts
.
! 
To read the October journals (or others),
return to the archives!
XXX