It is all I can do to keep from weeping.
I think I am
angry, but it feels more like pain. I am
so disappointed about the direction my Peace Corps adventure has turned. I have so much invested in this goal and now
I find that my surgery makes me ineligible to serve for two more years. At that point I would have to reapply rather
than be re-instated.
I thought that
re-instatement was an option. Back in
June, when my pathology report arrived at the Peace Corps Medical Officer’s office,
my nurse was delighted to tell me my condition was downgraded from cancer to
surgery. At less than .2 my cancer odds
are equal to or less than those of anyone my age who receives regular
mammograms. It should be a matter of
recuperating for 3-6 months and them applying for re-instatement.
Today I received a
note saying no. I cannot be
re-instated. I am not eligible. The waiting period following surgery is 2
years.
It appears I will
not ever serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
I wanted to be a
PCV from the first time I heard about the program when I was a little girl,
back when President Kennedy introduced the program in the early 60’s. I was in second grade. I dreamed about serving as a Peace Corps
Volunteer. I would stretch out on my bed
in the big yellow house I called home and flip through the dog-eared paperback
book I had received in the mail from Peace Corps headquarters. That dream planted the seeds for my desire to
acquire a college degree.
The years passed
and my dreams grew and changed, but I continued to cherish the dream of Peace
Corps service. I married my high school
sweetheart, raised two fine children, ad a career as an NCO in the US Air Force
and managed to complete AA, BS and an MA.
We traveled and tried new things, we volunteered and served others in
many ways, but that Peace Corps seed longed to be planted in fertile soil to
gown and bear fruit.
When the time
finally seemed right, I planted the seed and my husband and I nurtured the tiny
seedling into a healthy plant.
We discussed this
dream on our nightly walks. Initially,
we did not let our enthusiasm show very much.
We were afraid to care, because we believed we could not pursue the
dream. Mark has hundreds of college
credits, but he does not have the requisite degree. We were delighted when we learned that
individuals with AA degrees could be considered for service. We decided to meet with a recruiter and find
our whether Marks experience, drive and attitude could counter the need for a
formal degree.
Once it was
established we really could apply, it was as if we were a newly engaged
couple. Our enthusiasm and delight
spilled out. Neither of us thought there
would be other obstacles to our shared dream.
That was back in
the fall of 2003. Now in August 2005 I
am a Peace Corps has been.
I thought when I had
the mastectomy and reconstructive surgery I would be able to get back on course
and resume my place on the team.
It is their loss.
But it still
hurts.
What a chaotic
week it has been. My head has not hit
the pillow before
Today I peed in a
cup, gave some blood, got poked and prodded in private places, answered myriad
questions about my family and personal history and now have most of my Close of
Service (COS) physical complete.
I still have to
provide a few more specimens for the lab – the fecal and stool exams for
parasites, etc. My days are just filled
with so much fun.
Despite a few
academic degrees, a military history, a track record of successes in
challenging endeavors and a lifetime of experience, I do not feel like I am
smart enough to actually make the arrangements for this trip!
This morning I
printed the visa application paperwork and all the associated guidance provided
on the Ukrainian Consulate website. I
have pages and pages of fine print outlining detail after detail about the
intricacies of obtaining a visa from
It appears I will
call the consulate later.
With some of my
visa research complete, I moved on to making a medical appointment to
accomplish the close of service (COS) examination. Nothing is ever easy.
The VA hospital
can accommodate Peace Corps physicals, but the earliest available appointment
is 40 days away. This is not soon enough
– I plan to be in
After much
discussion, It is clear I will not get a physical from that side of the house
no matter what. I decide to simply use
my medical insurance (Tri-care Prime) and am referred to a local medical
facility: “Can you come in this afternoon, ma’am?” Whoo hoo!
I set up an
appointment for tomorrow so the wheels are rolling and I think I am actually
moving forward. I will have the initial
physical and some of the lab work done tomorrow.
I try not to think
about getting a continuing care physical (the follow-up on my
mastectomy/reconstruction surgery). I do
not have all the paperwork I need for this – the final pathology report may be in
my Peace Corps headquarters file, but it may not be there sooooo I may have an
uphill climb to get up the path ahead of me.
But for now, I will focus on the
The other part of
the
It occurs to me
that I was doing essentially the same thing last year at this time: I was
struggling to complete the medical and dental examinations to be part of the
Peace Corps.
Maybe I am not
moving forward after all.
OK, let me take my
mind off all this – I have to get an airline ticket and it is best to have 30
days lead time to get a best or at least better fare…that may not happen.
All this work to
get back to
Aaaaaarggggghhhh!
It is good to see
August roll in. In September I will be
on my way back to my husband in
This will not be
the first time we have been apart on our special day. In fact, we spent our very first wedding
anniversary in different time zones too.
Mark was far away on the last island in the Aleutians –
Yesterday we
emptied out some space in Carol’s guest room to give me more room to spread
out. After a few hours of toting stuff
to the basement we collapsed on the couch and just “vegged” the day away. We talked and watched inane home-decorating
shows…so many great ideas and such ambitious people. After Carol’s stressful work week, I am sure
she was glad to relax. I pulled out a
knitting project and whiled away the day.
Today I called the
VA about my physical (the Peace Corps Close of Service exam I need to have THIS
WEEK). The woman who handles this
program will be in on Tuesday so tomorrow I must dial again.
Next I wandered
down to the dungeon (the basement where the computer is set up) and spent time
looking into visa requirements for the trip to
When the
frustration level mounted I moved to the guest room where I emptied my bags and
put away things while I listened to NPR.
Tonight we will
watch Travis play lacrosse. Though I
raised two kids, I never really did get to be a sports Mom. Moriah was in orchestra and JROTC and other
activities but never played sports.
Caleb ran cross country and was on the crew team in